Am I in Love , So Why Am I Depressed
"I've waited so long for love to come into my life, but now it is here,
I am depressed. I can not understand this, "complained Layne in one of our
telephone counseling. "Todd is really great. It's all I've been
looking forward to a man - open, loving and emotionally available. I really think
There is something wrong with me. "
"When did you start to feel depressed?" I asked.
"Well, I think it started last week after we had a wonderful
weekend together. "
"What happened after the weekend?"
"It was a Sunday night. We had just returned from an early dinner,
and Todd wanted to see a movie with me on TV. I told him that I
wanted to go to the gym because I had not worked in several days. it
sounded disappointed not to see the movie with me, so I will not
gym. I stood and watched the movie with him because I do not have
wanted her to feel hurt and rejected. "
"And that's when he started to feel depressed?"
"Yes. Can you really be because I did not go to the gym?"
"Well," I said, "Not exactly, because it does not go to the gym to you.
probably enjoyed watching the movie with him, right? "
"Good! Part of me wanted to see the movie with him, because I am
love being with him. This is why I can not fix this. "
"Layne, I think the problem is that you make Todd and feelings
needs more important than your feelings and needs. you gave
Todd afraid of their feelings of discomfort. I do not think you would do
depression if you decided I really wanted to see
Todd movie more than I wanted to go to the gym. but it
sound like you took the time to go inside to see what I really wanted.
What was scared that he would have happened if you had gone to the
gym? "
"I was afraid he would be angry against me and of me."
"So you think it was ready to lose rather than risk losing is that
Right? "
"Yes, that's exactly what I did."
"So control your feelings and behavior was more important than
the loving care of yourself? "
"Yes, I suppose so. I do not know I was not trying to control the
go to the gym, but I can see that's exactly what I was doing. "
"So imagine his feelings and needs are a child within you, and
Todd feelings and needs are a child within. If you put his side
child to take care of your child, how your child is going to feel? "
"Oh, I see! I feel depressed because I gave my son and I
side to care for your child! Wow, this relationship material is hard! me too
feel trapped and resentful, like Todd is somehow not let me do what
wants to do. And as soon as I'm not going to the gym, which is what is really
I wanted to do, I do not feel very attracted to him. "
"Right. And Todd may have tried to control your
disappointment. He felt rejected and hurt in the past when he made
do what you wanted?
"Yes, he does sometimes. I hate it when you feel that way. Now I can
see that he is trying to control his pain, and I try to control
give him. I can also see that it will not work
okay ".
Layne decided to talk to Todd about what they had learned.
Fortunately, Todd was very open to understanding their behavior
and Layne. Layne decided to run the risk of neglecting
Todd responsibility for the feelings and take responsibility for their own
feelings and needs. Layne depression quickly faded as she
I started to take care of herself love.
.jpg "Am I in Love , So Why Am I Depressed")
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